PAW: 3 Moments that Create Joy for Your Young Athlete

Three Moments that Create Joy for Your Young Athlete By: David Benzel

Joy is an abiding sense of well-being, and most often available to our children when they lose themselves in an experience. But, when they are consumed with themselves, comparing themselves to others, or being criticized by adults, they are less likely to experience joy. Here are three moments that produce child-like joy for young athletes… and adults!

Moment #1: "Learning a New Skill" Children are inherently natural learners. It is their very nature to observe, experiment, struggle, and learn, as if there’s a program called “I Love to Learn” running in their little mental computers making them curious to explore and absorb. Initially, parents play their role perfectly, practicing the art of noninterference. As babies learn to walk, parents watch and cheer without judging, correcting, or anything but a smile. Have you noticed that babies never quit trying? Regardless of hundreds of falls, babies keep getting up to try again without embarrassment, self-pity, or any loss of self-confidence. Our athletic children want to keep learning and experiencing the personal joy and satisfaction that learning the next step towards mastering their sport can give them.

Moment #2: "Overcoming an Obstacle" As children become capable of communicating, they become aware of something else that can get in the way of their natural yearning to learn new skills; they learn it’s possible to disappoint Mom and Dad. Consequently, they start playing a game called “Please Mommy and Daddy,” which for some children means playing it safe and avoiding obstacles that make it difficult to succeed. In truth, overcoming an obstacle or form of adversity carries with it great satisfaction. Once children realize that their parents value the struggle more than the prize, they become free to persevere and demonstrate their grit. They become less afraid to make mistakes, so as the obstacles fall they may actually welcome future challenges (opponents, high standards, plateaus) because it feels so good to win over them.

Moment #3: "Sharing the Experience" All of us want to have at least one witness to our achievements, and children are no different. Young athletes naturally want to share their sport experiences with those important to them, like parents, siblings, teammates, and coaches. Since we are relational by nature, our brain releases a healthy dose of serotonin when we are proud of ourselves and when we know others are proud of us. Our need to belong to a team is satisfied when we can share the discomfort of the struggle as well as the joy of reaching the goal in a non-judgment unit, like a family.

Here are three take-away points for parents who wish to promote joy in the lives of their children:

1. Create a positive learning environment in your home by frequently encouraging learning and discussing what is being learning in sports and life

2. Demonstrate an unshakable faith in your children’s ability to overcome obstacles and convey the idea that adversity can be a blessing because of the growth it stimulates

3. Focus on sharing the experience – not judging the performance. Remove analyzing and critiquing your child’s technique and replace it with admiration of effort and energy invested. Share the joy of being part of your child’s unfolding story!